Urgent! The Party Spirit of San Francisco Is Dangerously Low
The Partygoers Announce Emergency "Spring into Action!"
Campaign to Heal the City
San Francisco -- April 3, 2002. The Partygoers, San Francisco's
premier party visitating visionaries, announced today that the party
spirit of San Francisco has reached a dangerously low level. To combat
this dire state of affairs, the Partygoers have created an emergency
"Spring into Action!" campaign to rejuvenate the City and its citizens.
As the cornerstone of the Spring into Action! campaign, the Partygoers'
first proposal is that a new government agency be created, to be staffed
by themselves. This agency, to be known as the San Francisco Department of
Partygoing (SFDP) will be responsible for helping cultivate and maintain a
robust PSI, thereby helping mend the wounds of a failed economy, failed
leadership, and a nation at war.
"The Partygoers are asking Mayor Willie Brown and the entire Board of
Supervisors to take immediate action on this proposal," said Paul Linton
Hart, Partygoers press secretary. "Because a happy population is a
productive population, the Partygoers believe that not only is it
important to enact their agenda at once; it is imperative for the very
survival of this fair City."
The Partygoers, three twin brothers separated at birth, are dedicated
to spreading goodwill through the spontaneous visitation of social
gatherings and celebrations. Founded in 1997, the Partygoers are based in
the W.A. (Western Addition), San Francisco.
The San Francisco Department of Partygoing
Official Proposal and Budget
Last updated April 2, 2003
We, the Partygoers, propose the creation of a new government agency,
the San Francisco Department of Partygoing (SFDP), to be staffed by
ourselves. This agency, which will report directly to the Mayor and the
Board of Supervisors, will be responsible for helping cultivate and
maintain a robust Party Spirit Index (PSI).
As of March 31st, 2003, the PSI was down more than 73% from its
all-time high in February 2000. We warn that if this trend continues the
City may suffer through a party drought equal to or worse than the Great
Party Depression of 1932.
As San Francisco's premier party visitating visionaries, we have the
knowledge, the experience, and the passion needed to face the difficult
challenge of rejuvenating the City and its citizens. The SFDP will serve
as the new farmers of merriment and mirth, sowing the seeds today so that
we may all reap the parties tomorrow.
Our mission is to spread goodwill through the spontaneous visitation of
social gatherings and celebrations. We enter parties unexpectedly and at
random, using a unique blend of old school technique and new age
technology to enrich and enliven even the dullest of situations.
Luckily, the grass roots nature of the SFDP enables us to operate on a
reasonably modest budget. The estimated expenses to create, equip, and
maintain said department for the first six months are as follows:
|* One (1) 1974 Ford Econoline van with mushroom shaped bubble
|* Interior floor to ceiling shag carpeting (burnt orange) for
said va. ($218.14)
|* Office space in the Western Addition -- location TBD
|* Second-hand furniture for office -- includes sleeper sofa,
love seat, egg-shaped stereophonic listening chamber, bar stool.
|* Two (2) copies of the "White Album" ($17.99/each)
|* One (1) antique bottle dispenser stocked with Pabst Blue
Ribbon beer and assorted 40s ($1,743.11 + weekly beer refills
estimated @ $100/week)
|* Two (2) Technics SL-1200Mk2 turntables ($599.99/each)
|* One (1) portable 8" electric disco ball ($38.99)
The total sum of these expenses comes to $23,035.20. As a cost-cutting
measure we, the Partygoers, offer to forego any monetary compensation for
our work. Essentially we will function as official volunteers, since we
will draw no actual pay.
We urge immediate and decisive action on this matter. Please contact us